Motherhood Is Not For Pussies

Me (at work): This is Lauren.

Robbie (17): Mom?

Me: Yes?

Robbie: How old do you have to be to get a tattoo?

Me: Excuse me?

Robbie: A tattoo? How old do you have to be?

Me: You're not getting a tattoo so, I guess, ummm, 37.

Robbie: But mom, some of my friends have them.

Me (resisting the urge to say "well, if all your friends were to jump off a bridge...yada yada): No.

Robbie: Even if it is a meaningful tattoo?

Me: Define "meaningful".

Robbie: Mommmm...pleeeeeease! I wanna a tattoo!

Me: No.

*dramatic pause*

Robbie: Fine. Can I get my tongue pierced?

Me: No. Goodbye Robbie.

Robbie: But Mom! Wait!!

*CLICK*

I can do it! I can do it! Uh...no I can't.

Cooper - good dog, bad leaper.

Eggs....over easy

So, I'm ovulating. As I speak (or type as it were). Each month, when I feel the familiar twinges I can't help but think to myself, well that's one more egg down the drain. A couple of years ago Shelby and I attempted to get pregnant via AI. We did medicated IUI's but, after 6 attempts, we gave up. I regret that. It should have worked. My eggs were good. My fsh levels were great. My uterine lining was perfect each time they looked at it. My tubes were open. I had two sucessful pregnancies in the past. All of these things add up to a perfectly fertile woman. But it didn't work. I terribly want to experience pregnancy one more time. I just feel like I'm not done. Shelby is done - she does not want to go through the AI again. She hates the heartbreak that goes along with each failed attempt. I get it. I do. I just wish I could get her to change her mind. Maybe...one day.

But, right now, I am ovulating. In two weeks my period will start. And I will be that much closer to the time when it will all stop. Then it will be too late. All over. That makes me sad.

Jesse, Jesse, Jesse....

Cut his nuts off?? For real? That's just...well...odd, actually.

This old man...

So, last night Shelby and I decided to participate in a counter-protest. This is not something that we typically do. However, a local hate group (under the guise of a "religious group") protests gay rights every Thursday night. Being the good homosexuals that we are, we felt that we should get out there and protest the protestors! Things were going really well....both sides were being civil to one another, "hellos" and "how are you?" were exchanged as each person made their way to their respective side of the street. We grabbed a couple of signs that the counter-protest organizers had made and held them up facing the busy intersection.

Fairly quickly we began receiving honks and yells of support. Thumbs up and peace signs were flashed out car windows. Honestly, I got warm fuzzies from it all. It was fabulous!!

Then this happened....

Yep. That's a man (bum?) standing in a puddle of his own urine....after having relieved himself on a lovely old church...in broad daylight....on a VERY busy street.

I'm still laughing about this.

So then, on the way home, we were driving along - it's dark - and what lumbers across the road in front of me? A bear. A BIG black bear. I miss hiting it (thank God) and we travel on. No more than 3 minutes later a red fox runs out into the road. Because of my fantastic driving abilities we miss hitting the critter. Approximately 2 minutes later - yeah, I know, this is getting silly. Believe me, we thought the same thing - a skunk runs out in front of me. Didn't hit it THANK GODDDDDD!!!

Yeah, it was an interesting evening.

Random Thoughts

Last night I dreamt that I highlighted Rachel Maddow's hair.




Sometimes I wonder if my meds are really working.

Nuckin' futs

Well, I have officially become the crazy cat lady. Last night as Shelby was walking out the door to go visit her parents, she nearly stepped on a lovely little malnourished black cat. Apparently this is the place to come if you happen to be a homeless feline. So what do we do? Feed it. Yep...we did. Well, since we fed it it figured this must be home. Seems logical. So now we have Ditto, the sweet little black kitty cat.

Ugh.

We took her to the vet who pronounced her mostly healthy (except for being way underweight). She goes back tomorrow for a more thorough examination (we just had her quickly checked for feline leukemia today since it can be easily passed to our other cats and is fatal if contracted). Later we'll have her spayed. She really is a very sweet cat.

So, with the addition of Ditto, we now have 4 cats, 2 dogs, and 1 fish.

Lord help us.

Loving this...

"Anyone Else But You" by The Moldy Peaches from the movie, "Juno". If you haven't had the pleasure of enjoying this film, go get it...now. Aside from the wonderful writing and acting, the music is fanfuckingtastic!

Random Thoughts

Rachel Ray makes me angry.

Lexapro is my friend.

So is coffee. And Cheez-Its.

Wish List

On May 31, Shelby and I will celebrate 5 years of wedded bliss. My plan is to gift her with a power tool of some sort. In return, I hope to recieve this.




or this

Motherhood is not for pussies

We had hamburgers for dinner tonight. Hamburgers made of beef. This presents a problem for my 17 year-old son, Rob, who has recently decided that he is in a "no longer eating anything with a face" phase (thanks PETA...no, really, THANKS!). Okay...no problem, I say, there are cut veggies in the fridge. He scrunches his face and sighs....then proceeds to tell me "no thanks, I don't like vegetables".

I give this "phase" about 3 days.

Random Thoughts

In an effort to eradicate the pain from a nasty toothache, I have learned why so many have an addiction to Vicodan.

I hate Mondays. And Tuesdays. And Thursdays kinda suck too.

*SLAPP* IT'S A....BLOG!

I'm kinda sorta addicted to reading blogs ( like this one or this one ). Because of this I have decided to create my own. So - TA DA! - here it is.
I will try to keep it somewhat interesting...or at the very least, legible.