Motherhood Is Not For Pussies

Me (at work): This is Lauren.

Robbie (17): Mom?

Me: Yes?

Robbie: How old do you have to be to get a tattoo?

Me: Excuse me?

Robbie: A tattoo? How old do you have to be?

Me: You're not getting a tattoo so, I guess, ummm, 37.

Robbie: But mom, some of my friends have them.

Me (resisting the urge to say "well, if all your friends were to jump off a bridge...yada yada): No.

Robbie: Even if it is a meaningful tattoo?

Me: Define "meaningful".

Robbie: Mommmm...pleeeeeease! I wanna a tattoo!

Me: No.

*dramatic pause*

Robbie: Fine. Can I get my tongue pierced?

Me: No. Goodbye Robbie.

Robbie: But Mom! Wait!!

*CLICK*